There is a good chance that hiding money in a jar of cookies won't cause your marriage to end in divorce. Knowing your partner cheats financially might ruin your marriage. If your relationship is already having problems, financial dishonesty may be the last straw. Lying regarding money is a classic red signal that something is wrong in a marriage. Approximately 1/3 of American adults have lied to their partners about money, yet it's still a problem that can't be ignored. When one partner is dishonest about financial matters, it compounds the difficulty of managing household funds. They might be about anything, but here are some things people often cover up with lies:
- Destination(s)-Specific Shopping
- Issues with Compulsive Gambling
- Further indebtedness
- Pay scale information
- Banking on the Future: Savings Accounts
You can feel furious or sad if you find out your partner has been dishonest with you, and that might have a serious effect on your marriage. Depending on the degree of dishonesty and the nature of the deception, you might also contemplate fully severing ties with the other person. If you discover your partner has been hiding money from you, you may want to take the following steps.
Collect the Evidence
Get as much information as you can regarding your financial status before approaching your spouse about it. In order to determine whether or not this is a temporary condition, it may be necessary to review your bank records over the prior year as part of the inquiry. Having a ballpark estimate of the monetary commitment is also crucial. In this way, you'll be prepared to have a meaningful conversation with your partner about the problems at hand.
Talk about the Issues
This dialogue should happen as quickly as possible, but it's better if you can stay cool. It might be a miscommunication or error, so listen to your partner. It might be an indicator of more serious problems, such as an addiction to shopping or gambling or even criminal tendencies. Request that your partner supplies you with documents to back up their assertions that they have been truthful, as well as that they have been entirely honest about the circumstance.
Determine Whether This Behavior Is Unacceptable
Since each scenario and relationship is unique, the responses will vary for each connection; thus, it is generally advisable to seek therapy when faced with such a predicament. The counsellor may facilitate dialogue between you and your partner about the issues plaguing the relationship, act as a mediator if necessary, and advise you on whether or not to dissolve the partnership. If you've been lying about your money or trying to hide debt or other problems, you should know that trust is easily broken and often takes a long to rebuild. Your relationship might well be harmed in other ways by the associated activities, such as betting or substance abuse, making it hard to go ahead.
Separate Finances Temporarily
While waiting for proof that the abusive conduct has ceased, you may choose to live apart financially if you decide to continue together. The most effective method for doing this is to create a household budget in which all members pay the same fixed amount of money each month to meet the family's essential expenses. The balance of the funds, however, needs to be held in isolation. There is still a need for mutual accountability with regard to the expenditure of such funds. You may want to look at your spouse's finances and other conduct to see that they are making payments toward the loan or have ceased engaging in certain spending habits. But it is not an excuse to make your partner a joint account holder with you.
Establish Clear Expectations
It is crucial to establish reasonable goals for regaining confidence and fixing the problem. If there's debt involved, it could be best to settle it as soon as feasible. If you have a problem with shopping, you might need to go to Shopaholics Pseudonymous meetups regularly and talk to a counsellor. If the problem is gambling, getting treatment to quit is an important step in regaining trust.
Assuming you want to keep your marriage together, you'll need to forgive your spouse to the point where it no longer affects your communication or your feelings toward them. Even after you've forgiven someone, you should continue keeping tabs on how they're doing financially, but the checks might grow less regular as time goes on. They shouldn't have it held over their head forever. In most cases, this won't happen until the underlying problem has been fixed. Keeping the anger and resentment within can do nothing but harm your relationship.
If You Have Lied to Your Husband or Wife
You may have been dishonest with your partner about some of your financial dealings. In such a case, you and your partner need to talk about it right away. If your partner suspects you of cheating, it is best to come clean before they find out. Your partner could be unhappy but open to working with you to resolve the issue, particularly if you are forthright and contrite about what occurred.